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excuse me while i fall apart [entries|friends|calendar]
don't flatter yourself, sweetheart.

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[12 Dec 2007|12:02am]
I'm beginning to think that chronic nostalgia is a disease.

Or maybe it's just a sign that your life isn't going anywhere you want it to.
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[15 Aug 2005|10:50pm]
i've had this livejournal for 3 1/2 years. i can't take the username anymore. i'm not that same depressed kid.

so i'm once and for all moving to

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[14 Aug 2005|02:02pm]
silver lining time:

brandy having to go to court
jr takes brandy to olive garden.

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[14 Aug 2005|11:26am]
so camping was great.
so great that i'll be going back next week.

...to fucking go to court.

fuck you, park rangers.

it would figure that i spent a ton of money this week on stupid stuff, and now i'm going to have a huge fine to pay.

and it would figure that i drink carelessly and like an idiot for 2 years and nothing happens, but now that i've next to stopped, i get caught. i have a million instances where it would've been understandable for me to get in trouble, but this was not one of them.

god damnit. we were sitting at our campsite, just the 3 of us, completely quiet, minding our own business, with our spaghetti dinner, and having a glass of wine. and that's what gets us underage consumption.
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[12 Aug 2005|10:29am]
online shopping is just too damn easy.

i click buttons without even thinking.

this week:

duvet cover set: $40

tote bag: $30

shoes: $70

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[10 Aug 2005|10:43pm]
jr is coming down to visit me again tomorrow.

i'm a lot more nervous now than i was the first time we hung out.

we haven't talked for several days so that was, of course, plenty of time for me to make up all these horrible things and think he sucks....but nope, just as awesome still. damn.
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[09 Aug 2005|05:25pm]
jono and i are going to see mcr, reggie and alk3 next month.

my desire to drink is getting less and less and less.

i've decided there are quite a few things i wish to do in the near future:
go to the dairy barn before the quilts are gone.
go to final fridays in nelsonville.
and go to the passionworks studio.
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[08 Aug 2005|11:56pm]
i've had sushi three times in the last 24 hours. be jealous.

it bothers me when i think things said are about me even though i do the same thing to other people all the time.

adam called me tonight to find sympathy concerning his bad haircut.

today at work i handled lots of expensive artwork. at least one painting worth $65,000. why would you let me touch such a thing?

i miss rob. even though we fight and make each other miserable like brother and sister.

danny has 2 free tickets to greece and no one to go with him. he openly offered to me...the only catch being i couldn't take classes fall quarter.

my cynical accusation of the day: that wasn't a nice gesture, it was an attempt to make yourself look good.
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[08 Aug 2005|01:01pm]
i've realized that i do not have the patience for having crushes on people.

i can easily convince myself that anybody is not THAT awesome (even if he is), and stop wasting time.
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[07 Aug 2005|01:31am]
i've been told twice in one week that i look like i need to eat.
i won't lie, i don't get sick of hearing that.
it's not true though. i think those myspace pictures make me look deceptively skinny.
and i definitely ate almost an entire large pizza tonight. gross.
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[06 Aug 2005|08:56am]
so i wish i would've weighed myself when i first started going to ping, at the end of march. but i didn't, because i didn't want to know. oh well, i still don't trust those crazy scales anyway. but supposedly, since may 24th, i am minus 11.5 lbs. not too bad i guess.
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[05 Aug 2005|11:40pm]
you know what i like about athens? i don't have drama here.
you know what i don't like? drama still follows me from 2 hours away even when i haven't lived there for a year and a half.

but i'm glad it's usually stuff that's easily solved or doesn't even matter to me anyway.
if people insist on not keeping their mouths shut, i wish that they would just convey information ACCURATELY.
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[05 Aug 2005|10:05pm]
so jr..
i want him.

this kid
drove over 400 miles on my account.
randomly took me to kings island.
made me smile constantly.
made me breakfast.
told me 100 times how good of a time he had and how it was all worth it.
has the best smile ever.
likes killian's and dead baby jokes.
is a fast walker.

how much better could that be?
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[02 Aug 2005|08:22am]
i think jono is coming to athens tonight.
jeremy tomorrow.
jr thursday.
go me.

i am thrilled to have seen the bands that i did yesterday. i was always really close and got some good pictures, but warped tour did sufficiently kick my ass this year. i lost my cell phone and also had to be pulled out during mcr and golfcarted away. pretty scary. fucking heat/not being able to breathe. it seems like everybody was going down during that set.
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[31 Jul 2005|08:12pm]
theedgebreaker: i've made a decision
oubrandy11: oh?
theedgebreaker: i would like to come to see you

labor day weekend potentially.
that would make it almost exactly one year since we've last seen each other.
it doesn't feel like it's been even half that long.

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[29 Jul 2005|10:54am]
is it possible that i might be...dare i say it...jealous? or why am i bothered by this?
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[28 Jul 2005|10:54pm]
jeremy from palmerfest:

: i'm probably going to make like 50 bucks painting windowsills for somebody tomorrow, so i'm going to have a little money to spend...what if i made a trip to athens.....
: we could play drink the beer

that'd be awesome but that's a lot of pressure to be entertaining, when you're the only person someone knows in a town.

: i could stay a couple days even

he realllly must be bored. i mean, shouldn't he be visiting his miami friends or something, as opposed to a girl he met for a day? not that i'm complaining.

this is apparently going down some time next week.
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[27 Jul 2005|08:47pm]
update: i AM going to warped tour. thanks to john and my sister.

boys night out, funeral for a friend,
motion city soundtrack, reggie,
hawthorne heights, matchbook romance,
senses fail, my chem & fall out boy....

damn, that just turns me on.

nick, we must find each other there! which means we totally get to make out.
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[27 Jul 2005|08:00pm]
theedgebreaker: i dont mean to annoy you i just wanted to say hi and say its taken everything for so long not to talk to you but if you still dont want to be friends I will respect your wishes, I hope you are well and that youre happy and healthy
oubrandy11: i was going to IM you
oubrandy11: a couple days ago, oddly enough
theedgebreaker: really?
oubrandy11: but i figured that i had not been the most pleasant person toward the end of things
oubrandy11: so i didn't figure you'd care to talk to me ever
theedgebreaker: Oddly enough I was looking at how now with my job I never work saturday and sunday and I was thinking how much I would have killed for this schedule about 6 months ago

that IM was like a train i didn't see coming.

and to respond to it was the equivalent of throwing myself off a cliff.
which i've done so i should know.

oubrandy11: god it's so weird that you IMed me, because honestly, i added you back to my buddy list just yesterday
theedgebreaker: It sucks how bad I've missed talking to you

theedgebreaker: haha fine then ill be the only one missing someone at least I can admit it
oubrandy11: but i was so mean to you...i basically told you i was deleting you from my life lol
theedgebreaker: I know and you have no idea how much that hurt but i understood although I felt it extreme but i definitely understood
oubrandy11: wow, i don't think we're capable of stopping communication for good
theedgebreaker: we must not be because the whole time I knew you didnt want to talk to me all I could think about was possibly just showing up in Ohio although I didnt even have your number now cause i have a new cell and all

and those selections were the equivalent of me saying 'hey look at me, i'm weak.'
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[27 Jul 2005|04:59pm]
i tried to keep myself from making this post, but i failed.

i officially hate being in athens this summer. if i could, i would quit my job and go home until september. it angers me that i tried so hard to be able to stay here and now it's not even worth it. there's no way i would've been able to foresee that though. athens has never disappointed me before. i always always try to do what will make me happy, even if it's 200 times more difficult, but now i've screwed myself over anyway. i still want to make the best of it and i know that it could turn around at any time, but i just really don't know what i could do to make it better.

and also, i feel like i have no friends. yes, i know that this isn't true, so don't go and get fucking offended. but it's just how i feel. or it at least feels like they aren't available to me right now. i could go back and word that so it's more accurate but i think it's probably better left the way it is. i feel that if i had something that i really needed to talk about, i have absolutely no idea who i would, could or should go to.

and i feel like there's something wrong with me. i feel like no matter what i'm doing, i'm doing something wrong or bothering somebody or in the way. i have never felt like i was walking on eggshells so much in my life. and i don't need that.

and while a lot of this may just be in my head (which is why i'm trying to emphasize that this is how things feel, not how they are), i don't think that i, entirely, have caused myself to feel this way.

i even feel like i should be defending or further explaining this entry.

ps - birthdays are overrated.
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